Sunday, November 12, 2006

Chris Hansen, serious journalist

Chris Hansen
Host/NBC Dateline "To Catch A Predator"

I guess this means forget about an anchor chair. Hell, you couldn't even fill in for Bill O'Reilly with the groundbreaking work you have accomplished. By groundbreaking, I mean you have forced the bottom feeding culture of journalism to plummet so low that the earth has shattered and hell beckons.

A word of advice, there are plenty of crimes occuring out in the world. You don't even have to make them up or stage them. Why couldn't corporate crime be sexy? The pushing of sex on youth culture may have contributed something to this slide, whereas you would suckle at the teet of the skids rather than halt it or reverse it's course. What if everyone stopped being bad overnight? What will you do then for ratings? Chances are you'll deal drugs to kids, then after they blaze the crystal, you'll snare them in a plot and tell their parents.

Who am I kidding, you'd be a homeless trick turner living under the overpass of a major interstate. You are a pariah, a golem and not worthy to suck lint off my taint.

Show of hands out there, who hasn't brought rubbers and margarita mix to a teenagers house? Those that aren't raising their hands are going bareback, which I don't condone. One guy drove up to the house, then left only to be arrested down the street. Brother didn't do anything. He got cold feet and bluer balls. Plus, why do these fucking idiots talk to you and the police? LAWYER. Get a fucking LAWYER.

Maybe this new predatory element in society is smart enough to know a prosecution that won't stick to the wall like bad pasta. Habeas no corpus. You got nothing.

If you're so into protecting the children, why don't you harass military recruiters that prey upon young nubile males with diminished prospects of wealth? Apples and Oranges you say? Why is it that a good chunk of the people you rope in are military vets, especially from Iraq? Is there a fucking connection here?

Oh, journalists make the connections. I forgot, how stupid of me. I need some dick that just rolled out of a fake and bake to wear a tie-less suit and wag his finger at me for pretending to be someone else on the internet. We should all be honest at who we are, without some stupid tag line or nickname as our handle. Once we are honest, then there won't be such a disconnect between our real and perceived existences. We can posit our fantasies into more plausible outcomes and comporting with the social norms that keep the frail tether of our communities from unraveling.