Friday, October 13, 2006

Mark Foley - Congressman
Mark Foley
Republican Congressman, Florida

It's hard to blame a guy for craving bald fronts on boys during the droning business of the American people. How could you not turn gay listening to Roy Blount or Richard Pombo talk endlessly on HR 1559, Emergency War Time supplemental appropriations? I'd probably turn a trick or two online while these retards scream the slogans cut and run in true copulatory fashion.

Mark, fall on your sword, not someone else's. Take this for the team. I know there are some truly sexy pages out there, and those fucking emoticons are goddamned irresistible, begging to be used, but this was the wrong scandal. Certain things can go on unnoticed, such as the destruction of the writ of habeas corpus, thinning of the Geneva Convention, and war-time profiteering, this involved touching your penis and thinking of robust young males. Even though you didn't kill anyone directly or steal money, what you did...fuck, it doesn't sound that bad anymore.

No, no, no, this is still serious. Let's be clear, this is not a political issue. Democrats jerk off as well and with the law of probabilities, a child was likely dreamed of in a few isolated instances. Mark got caught with a Congressional page over instant messages. Sure, he wasn't fucking him like Congressman Gerry Studds back in 1983, but he sort of wasn' a roundabout way...fucking that kid.

Rule one of public service, never jerk off in an email you wouldn't want your mother to read on the front page of the New York Times. Everyone jerks off on the internet. Hell, I sprayed twice while writing this thing, but at no point was I thinking of any children, like lil' Bow Bow, or the Suite Life with Zack and Cody or a real young John Stamos. Not only was I not thinking of them, I am not on the public payroll. When the Congress grapples with the people's business, like carving Ronald Reagan onto Mount Rushmore or putting holy water in class rooms, the elected Representatives must have laser focus and concentration that will allow them to better serve the people.

Not all Congressmen want to fuck children, neither do all priests, nor do all convicts. This is a marginal population of rogues and scoundrels, shuffled through their respective organizations like three-card monty. Mark Foley, your shame is falling out of the deck before you could be moved to a place where you could do less harm, in the Cabinet.