Sunday, November 12, 2006

Chris Hansen, serious journalist







Chris Hansen
Host/NBC Dateline "To Catch A Predator"

I guess this means forget about an anchor chair. Hell, you couldn't even fill in for Bill O'Reilly with the groundbreaking work you have accomplished. By groundbreaking, I mean you have forced the bottom feeding culture of journalism to plummet so low that the earth has shattered and hell beckons.

A word of advice, there are plenty of crimes occuring out in the world. You don't even have to make them up or stage them. Why couldn't corporate crime be sexy? The pushing of sex on youth culture may have contributed something to this slide, whereas you would suckle at the teet of the skids rather than halt it or reverse it's course. What if everyone stopped being bad overnight? What will you do then for ratings? Chances are you'll deal drugs to kids, then after they blaze the crystal, you'll snare them in a plot and tell their parents.

Who am I kidding, you'd be a homeless trick turner living under the overpass of a major interstate. You are a pariah, a golem and not worthy to suck lint off my taint.

Show of hands out there, who hasn't brought rubbers and margarita mix to a teenagers house? Those that aren't raising their hands are going bareback, which I don't condone. One guy drove up to the house, then left only to be arrested down the street. Brother didn't do anything. He got cold feet and bluer balls. Plus, why do these fucking idiots talk to you and the police? LAWYER. Get a fucking LAWYER.

Maybe this new predatory element in society is smart enough to know a prosecution that won't stick to the wall like bad pasta. Habeas no corpus. You got nothing.

If you're so into protecting the children, why don't you harass military recruiters that prey upon young nubile males with diminished prospects of wealth? Apples and Oranges you say? Why is it that a good chunk of the people you rope in are military vets, especially from Iraq? Is there a fucking connection here?

Oh, journalists make the connections. I forgot, how stupid of me. I need some dick that just rolled out of a fake and bake to wear a tie-less suit and wag his finger at me for pretending to be someone else on the internet. We should all be honest at who we are, without some stupid tag line or nickname as our handle. Once we are honest, then there won't be such a disconnect between our real and perceived existences. We can posit our fantasies into more plausible outcomes and comporting with the social norms that keep the frail tether of our communities from unraveling.

Sincerely,

420sexystalker69

Read More...

6 Comments:

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

The Voter










The Voter

Will you fucking get over yourself? Vote or Die, Get out the vote, a sacred trust….blah blah blah, only losers fucking vote. Here’s an idea, we’ll race, one of us will vote, the other will do things during those two years. Let’s see who has more of an impact on life. But wait, no fair, I voted Democratic last year, so I did plenty. So, I gave a homeless guy a quarter and probably had more impact on social policy than they had.

Voting does not matter today, on ((date)). First, by all counts of logic, if the Democrats gain any victory whatsoever, in particular by taking over the House of Representatives, then the United States will lose the war on terror. If that is indeed true, as the leader of the free world made plain clear, shouldn’t he dissolve the Congress and suspend the Republic if the Democrats do win? Why would any President, asshole or not, choose to lose? “Excuse me Mr. President, the Dems just won Congress, we need to take them out back and shoot them or we’ll lose the war.” Fuck it President, do it. I want to win. Win I tells you, win.

Presuming the Dems win, the President does not “take ‘em out,” then there truly is no accountability. If the President can’t live up to his word and defend this nation in every way possible, by rounding up dissidents into cordoned off campsite areas, concentrating large populations, then how can we trust him. No, no no, the stakes are high, there are the camps, put them there, we dare you. Kill the Republic.

Voting is the opiate of the apathetic. “No, I’m not apathetic, I vote.” Adorable. Every two or even every four years, you decide to leave your fingerprints on the China (our government owes China money). That’s very big of you. What if I took away that two year teet you suckle on so your conscience doesn’t feel completely wasted, what would you do? Would you investigate where your clothes came from, which soft drink busts unions in Columbia, which oil does anything? Shit, if I had the choice between voting and doing something that mattered…wait, we do, it’s called not voting.

Voting is a waste of time. Did anyone ever consider that governments are temporary institutions, wet nursing a civilization into true anarchistic enlightenment? The first to go is the voting, then the debt, then the memory, then the problems. This is the future folks. Don’t you feel terrible for those mean things you said about Sacco and Vanzetti? People are NOT voting because they are bad people. Rather than hem and haw every some doesn’t vote, understand that this may be evolution. Change will no longer, if it ever did, occur because of some voting booth. Plus, do you trust the Diebold mother fuckers?

Let the religious, backwater hayseed cousin fucking retards vote. Voting is like the bright, shiny, jingly-jangly keys we dangle in front of small children. Those folks that actually run for office and guilt us into supporting them, have to appease “The great mass of men lead lives of quiet retardation.” Let them vote and feel like they are making a difference. Think about how diluted your vote is among people that are stupid. Here’s an idea, give politicians some cover, step out of voting and into education. Yes, one needs to be abandoned for the other. Why? Well, what have you done to prove they don’t need to be separate? You’ve been voting and NOT chaining yourself to buildings, getting arrested or leaving any type of legacy.

“Gather around grandkids, here’s a picture of me voting in ((date)).” That will stir the shit out of them. “Hey grandpa, show us that photo of you answering the phone and Arnold Schwarzenegger’s recorded voice told you what to do.” What about, “Grandpa, show us the photo of you dumping pig’s blood on the Governor’s Hummer, with his family inside?” Or, try “Tell us about the time you played apart in destroying the International Monetary Fund (IMF).” Instead, you’ll tell them, “I made a huge statement back in ((year)) and let the corporations have it, I voted for the party that took LESS money from them.” Don’t make me sick. Stop voting and start doing something, anything.

Don’t agree? Prove me wrong. Vote then give me a reason to care about you. So far, you’ve accomplished very little.

Read More...

2 Comments:

Rex Grossman, Chicago Bears














Rex Grossman
Quarterback, Chicago Bears

Miami? Fucking Joey Harrington and the Dolphins are so bad that Joey Harrington can even beat them. You feel bad for Nick Saban and decide to toss a juicy win his way? Why do the teams that suck scare you? Choosing to lose Rexford, choosing to lose.

One theory is that you are color-blind, like Vinnie Testaverde. The bright orange retard shirts are necessary, otherwise you will confuse the colors. Perfectly natural, you are color blind, meaning there are certain jobs you ain’t cut out for motherfucker. Quarterback is some shit on that list. A one-armed drummer is another one that’s on there, and I don’t care if he started out with two arms, but lost one in the accident. Might as well get all the bad news out in one shot. “Bad news, you lost your arm and…well duh, you’re out of the band. Knew you’d understand.”

I also dig the way you don’t know how to tackle. You puss out on them like Vinnie Testeverde…Wait,…it’s….it’s your….your future. I see…disappointment…you and Lubbie Smith traveling the country-side like Bill Parcells and Drew Bledsoe and…Testeverde. You are color blind and heavy foot in the pocket, Lubbie has a ginormous gunt. Perfect.

You’re a jew. That was for ratings. No seriously, the Jewish people have suffered under the stereo-type of not being terrific athletes. Why does Grossman have to let his people down? Sandy Koufax and Shawn Greene both took heapings of shit, and that was only baseball. Lead the Bears and that’s one against an insufferable stereotype your people suffer. Trust me, my people suffer through it as well. I’m an alcoholic.

Numbers baby. Fucking numbers don’t lie. Eighteen for Forty Two (18/42)? Three Interceptions (3)? Only 210 on offense? Shit, they suck. I’m guessing they do, cause I actually missed the game. But, however I walked around the nation and listened for the general currents of disappointment. They weren’t directed toward the Bears Rexford. They were directed at you…Rexford.

People in Chicago, Rockville, Wicker Park all clasped their forehead with the sweaty palm of defeat, shook their head back and forth, and all said, “fucking Grossman.” That’s you and that’s pretty fucking scientific. You would hate the people of Chicago if they were demand less and lower their expectations. When good shit is written about you by Jay Mariotti, you should call him a pussy and throat punch him. We’re just driving you to great heights. You’re driving the fans to suicide. So stop fucking up.

Read More...

0 Comments:

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Ted Haggard, Fallen Angel















Ted Haggard
Former President of the National Association of Evangelicals/Pastor of New Life Church.

Praise Jesus and pass the meth. It can be tough here, trying every Sunday to find a religious person to bitch and moan about. How bad can a man of God be and why fuck with the bastard on a Sunday. Sometimes, God really likes to stroke this atheistic mother fucker right here.

Ted Haggard, fag basher and Jesus whore recently was outed not as a gay person, but someone who gets starfish massages and synthetic dope from gay prostitutes. But seriously, back to the real asshole, John Kerry. Granted, he fucked himself, but you can’t run from this, the man so powerful he spanks the President with Leviticus every Sunday evening at skull and bones festivals. This guy didn’t fuck his babysitter, a real Kennedy crime. No, instead he bought crystal from Satan (assuming all gays are the devil) while examining commodified erections.

“We don’t have to debate what we think about homosexuality, it’s written in the Bible,” says Haggard in film Jesus Camp. Sure, I am under the assumption that you mean bad shit should happen to them, which is after all what you and your gaggle of dumb fucks in cheap suits preach week in and week out. How could 30 million retards be wrong, you taught them.

Turns out that you turn out. Tricking with a gay prostitute, blowing meth, gun fucking a transient, did at any point you stop and think about your position and who you are in the Christian world? Did you ever say, holy shit, I’m awesome? Hell, who wouldn’t. Only a pussy would stop that ride and ask for help. Do you really think you can squeeze another Jesus drop from this snake oil bullshit? You’ll get a book, an Oprah get, then you’ll go back to sweating out the remaining years of your life in a Colorado Springs AM/PM toilet.

For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom. Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface, and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach.

-Pastor Ted Haggard in a letter to the Congregation

Oh well, in for a penny. Run to the church to get away from being gay and it only brings you money, enough to buy gay people and gay drugs. Damn you God. Why did He have to make vice and virtue so easy? Praying and creeping were second nature, with each forcing you to up the stakes on either side. A little grass, open a church, a male revue, open a bigger church, strangle and blow a prostitute, lead the largest evangelical organization in the country. Remember, a hobby next time to pre-occupy that over-active mind of yours.

Through the years, I’ve sought assistance in a variety of ways, with none of them proving to be effective in me. - Ibid

Have you tried chasing the dragon? Then don’t come bitching to me. You ain’t got problems. You ever steal a man’s kidney, I had, TWICE. You had your church freak donation money and your children’s respect to squander…oh, and those Monday morning pow wows with Bush must cease. Sorry, but you know policy, and seeing as you’re a fag, you are no longer allowed to breath Presidential air. Kind of sucks reaping all this sown shit, right?

I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I’ve been warring against it all of my adult life. -Ibid

Shit, you fought your demons, like we fought the drug war. Deep down, we both dug it, so let’s just skip the fucking get and say it, you are who you are, which you hate. Re-invent yourself, not as someone seeking forgiveness, but as a new brand of crusty-Dostoyevsky from the Underground. No bullshit Bukowski shit, be authentic. Do not return, emerge as Satan. Say you played us the whole time. Fuck, that would be fun. I would totally dig seeing those hayseeds that gave you money shake their fists at the heavens.

Come on, this is big. Let us help you with the next step. Post a comment, then I’ll take the whole thing back.

Read More...

4 Comments:

Friday, November 03, 2006

Vicente Fox, President of Mexico





















Vicente Fox,
El Presidente de la Republica

Disrupted seven decades of one party rule for this? The former Coke President in Mexico just toadied for Bush every inch of the Coke fueled way. Beating the Revolutionary Institutional Party (PRI) candidate for the first time in seventy years is a feat, but what’s more important is how you fuck it up, leading to electoral paralysis and illegitimacy.

Building fences and burning bridges

You and Bush appear like asshole buddies, yet you supposedly disagree on one key embarrassment; the fence on the border. You want this fence, let’s be honest. Recently, while scoring in Cancun, you said "It is an embarrassment for the United States." Please, don’t help. This country is brimming with racist idiots that will push for the opposite of what you say because you are…wait for it….MEXICAN. If you did not want the wall, you would say, “Sure, go ahead, it will save us the costs of doing it ourselves.” Overnight, the politics would change and Tom Tancredo would shower golden all over his illegal servants.

I’m lead to believe that you think this may be necessary to keep your people inside your country. Rather than offer the many perks of bottom-up economic development by the much ballyhooed North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA), you would rather wall up your people inside that god-forsaken lot of desert, swamp and resorts. If you built it yourself, you would get that whole East German stigma, so you decided to use the less intelligent neighbors of the north to do it, killing two coyotes with one stone (population containment and infrastructure costs). Crafty fuck, completely inept and unable to serve anybody but those you in the club. Balls would be to pull out of NAFTA and pass a new Ley Lerdo, like the one of 1856, but spare the native villages. Rob the Catholic Church, that’s where the banks are.

People’s Republic of Oaxaca

When addressing accusations that the governor of Oaxaca Ulises Ruiz Ortiz was employing the use of paramilitary forces to put down protests, the governor replied that his government didn’t need paramilitary hit squads because “My government has the police.” Freudian? Who cares, because Vicente Fox vowed to assist the PRI controlled government, sending federal troops to crush the strikes, causing six deaths and violence.

But I thought Ruiz tried to end public dissent? According to media reports, “after only two weeks in office, he ordered the arrest of over 150 activists and organizers.” Funny how it did not work though, as more protestors sprang up to fill the void. Ruiz’ office was moved to a hotel and the people and the people are in the process of banishing him for thuggery, rigging the 2004 election (sound familiar) and corruption. Good to be on the winning side of history Foxy my boy.

That Calderon asshole

This shit was worse than Ohio and Florida combined. According to BradBlog, Calderon's brother-in-law wrote the software program that tabulated and reported votes for the ‘independent’ election institute. The brother-in-law denied this but Mexico's press actually investigates these things and forced him to admit his involvement by producing contracts his company had with the institute.” Not enough? What about how dirty Fox got in this slop?

“During the election, President Fox ran media advertisements attacking Lopez-Obrador, a clear violation of Mexican campaign law. Fox was censured for doing this and had to cease and desist. There were also reports of huge sums of government money being diverted to governors to create a ‘commercial vote,’ votes for cash or benefits. When the votes were being counted, they were reported to a supposedly "independent" election institute.” http://electionfraudnews.com/

Putting horns on Manuel Loprez-Obrador, oversimplifying his policy to be tweedle oil to Hugo Chavez does not inspire confidence in Democracy. The contagion of pussy is sweeping north from the United States to Mexico as politicians will fight tooth and nail to rub and tug the Chamber of Commerce. It may be just a massage to you, it’s prostitution to us. The impotence of the government to stand up to the profit pirates’ infiltration of the halls of government is criminal and anti-thetical to the principles of reason. To Fox, like every other asshole, the importance is to win, as if it is a narcotic, like that bump of blow at the head of your penis to fuel your drive for another hour.

Mexico could have had a really cool President, but you wanted your boy. You are termed out, what have you got to gain by Calderon? Bush? My advice, move to Oaxaca, build a fence around it and make yourself President, let’s see if Calderon looks out for you like you did for him.

Thanks for the memories, now disappear…Oh shit, I was going to end, but just remembered…

Human Rights

Entering office, you promised to investigate the crimes of the government against student protestors in 1968 and 1971, as well as “dirty war” in the 1970s and 1980s. Not one single conviction of the government, military or anybody at all occurred. Special prosecutors need things like money and support, not just a desk and “Betty la Fea” to type your lunch order. Hundreds of people were tortured and “disappeared,” most likely flown over the Pacific Ocean and pushed out of the plane.

Transparency laws were passed and some movement on Ciudad Juarez’ phenomenon of vanishing women is taking shape, though in a nation that has had more political revolutions than Olympic medals, atrocity should never be far behind on the minds of public officials.

Calling yourself the Human Rights President is as cute as Bush being the Environmental President.

Read More...

1 Comment:

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Ryan Phillipe and Reese Witherspoon, Celebrity Couple

















Reese Witherspoon And Ryan Phillipe
Media Darlings

There is zero chance of any of us being happy ever again. Divorce is catching like a cold in Hollywood. When you think a couple is stable, it’s splitsville. Hollywood can’t seem to save us, as the institution of marriage is under attack by gays in New Jersey. We need role models and sadly, the latest victims in the culture war against marriage were two heroes of mine.

Hurricane break-up has just roared through glitter town. Bummer. Just check out the heartbreak on serious blogs like Progressive U., “I mean I know Hollywood is hard on relationships, having to be in the spotlight all the time. But many normal relationships also have trials.” I want to pinpoint where things went to wrongseville.

Reese did not seem to understand that Ryan needs to be Ryan (hello, duh ladies). They were publicly fighting at the Flags of Our Fathers premiere, and it had to do with his sport fucking in Austin (Reese is just no fun). According to Best Week Ever on VH-1, a dish-fest if there ever was, “The ess hit the eff when Reese discovered secret messages of filth on her husband’s Blackberry the night of the Flags of Our Fathers premiere. Now, bastard-face himself is no longer welcome in the home he shared with his wife.” Yowsers. This was in reference to the recent fling between Ryan and actress Abbie Cornish (Reese, stand by your man).

You gave him permission to cheat by winning the best Actress Oscar. Hello, can you say curse? Can I say that? Halle Berry, Hillary Swank, uh-oh, let’s hope Katie doesn’t scare away the Tom to her Kat with her award winning talent. Hollywood and marriage land cannot take another break up, let alone Suri’s parents (did you see those gorgeous baby photos? Gorgeous).

Reese needs to get over herself. Let’s fix this. Why don’t you two go back to counseling, which you’ve admitted to trying? Next, try not to get so huffy at your husband for little things like that Cornish mistress. Ladies should be ladies, speaking of which, you need to quit your job.

I’ll pitch in. For my part, I agree to stop sending you those “packages.” I’m sure you know which ones, I just don’t want to incriminate myself any further (I look terrible in a jumpsuit). Yes, I know they have contributed to your marital stress. Two months ago, I was watching the two of you fight over which one can beat the maid harder, when you got my “special delivery.” It was a complicated present, so please don’t read into the obvious. It was a dog’s ear, not YOUR dog’s ear. That must have been a copycat that took your dog, not me.

Anyhow, give it a go-ster. I dread the mileage I will be wracking up if you two truly think you’re moving apart from one another. Gas prices are murder on people in my line of work. Plus, I don’t like change. Change in target, perch, tactics. My rituals are pretty satisfying, thank you very much.

Think about those who truly get screwed when these wonderful celebrity covenants fail; people like me. If you go through with this, I’ll have to follow that Affleck guy, but I think he could actually kick my ass if I get caught. Remember that time Ryan when you went to punch me in the throat, but I had a taser waiting? Good times.

Read More...

1 Comment:

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Richard Grasso, former NYSE Chair

















Richard Grasso
Former Chair, New York Stock Exchange

Jesus, this guy must really want $140 million. On October 19, Justice Charles E. Ramos of the New York State Supreme Court ordered Ramos to return $100 million of his $140 million payout he orchestrated as he left the company. Now, all he can do is file appeals and real boring legal shit. Is he a sonofabitch for greed? For losing? For being rich?

All these things work for me. If you are going to be a rich, greedy asshole, don’t let yourself get punked by Elliot Spitzer. With that kind of money, why didn’t you put it all in a Caymen Islands account, flee the country and becoming a criminal mastermind, like Dr. Claw or some shit. Don’t rob a non-profit (NYSE) and then stay in the country. Speaking of which, can you believe that the Stock Exchange is a non-profit, yet there is somehow enough profit to pay this cock $140 million? Christ, I need an MBA. I thought law school was a fucking rub.

What did he do that was so special to merit such a sweetheart pay package? You ring a bill or hit a gavel and leer down on the trading floor like some demonic hawk, waiting for your chance to swoop down and clutch an upstart loser in a red jacket, grasping the nape of his neck in your talon, taking him to your lair where you will sup on the fruits of your rapine, drinking his blood and regurgitating his remains into the waiting gullets of your young. Don’t believe me? Look at this guy’s picture for Christ’s sake. He was the devil.

He met with leaders of the Colombian terrorist group Fuerzas Armadas Revolucionarias de Colombia–Ejército del Pueblo (FARC) in 1999 to discuss God knows what. They are communists, what do you think they can add to the NYSE. The are also bit players in the regional economy, for drugs and kidnappings yield only minor operational capital, not quite the cash cows that could funnel wealth into proletariat struggles. Grasso said, “I invite members of the FARC to visit the New York Stock Exchange so that they can get to know the market personally.” Great idea, showing the communists the soft spots of the apex of global capitalism. I’m sure the robber barons that you routinely dined with, drinking port out of the skulls of peasants appreciate this visionary approach.

It wasn’t that which paved the way to a vote of no confidence, it was the pay package that lead to the Board of Directors to ask you to leave in a 13-7 vote. How could this happen? You made shit loads of friends, donating thousands of dollars to both political parties throughout your life, Bush and Clinton (nothing like hedging your bets). Surely, someone would be proud to stand up for you and your carnivorous blood lust that is prominent in so many of your ilk. You bought friends, fair and square. Why is it that nobody is coming to your defense?

Because despite the fact that America prides itself on being so capitalistic and free market, jealousy and envy reign supreme in dictating the alacrity with the wheels of fiduciary justice. Your curious dealing with South-American Marxists, political double-dealing, Rovian system of loyalty and erotic satanic rituals are fine, but when you have more than others, especially me, that is something we, the American people, cannot forgive.

Face it, we’re just jealous dicks, but for some reason, I don’t have a problem with that.

Read More...

1 Comment:

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Phil Angelides, California Gubernatorial Candidate














Phil Angelides
California Gubernatorial Candidate (Democrat)

Wait a second, who the hell is this asshole? Exactly my point. He’s running to steward the world’s fifth largest economy and nobody knows who the shit he is. It wouldn’t hurt to get out there once in a while. I’m not talking about those Democratic rallies, the apogee of pathetic. What I was thinking involved getting drunk, cheating on your wife and getting into a fight with Sean Hannity.

Yes, you’re an egghead. That’s terrific. Tell me this brainiac, how smart will you feel losing to Arnold Schwarzenegger, a man with more gaffes than Tom Sizemore’s got crabs? He once said "I admired Hitler, for instance, because he came from being a little man with almost no formal education up to power. And I admire him for being such a good public speaker and for what he did with it." Gee, how the fuck do I make this guy look bad?

Schwarzenegger was caught talking about State Assemblywoman Bonnie Garcia in his eugenic splendor, saying “I mean Cuban, Puerto-Rican, they are all very hot, they have the, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood in them that together makes it.” Angelides proceeded to kick Santa Claus up the chimney and tell him to get the fuck out. He began to act all indignant at how disrespectful that comment was, despite the fact that Garcia, weeks later, would comment that she “wouldn’t kick him (Schwarzenegger) out of bed.” I can’t believe people are going to vote for these two perverts, what’s the world coming to?

Instead of making this the central thesis on your reason to be, you should have said, “Yeah, I’d hit that.” Instead, you chose to go the pussy, prudish high road. That will never, ever, ever, ever work. You are losing to a man who’s only intellectual rival is the President of the United States (how depressing that this is an insult). The people will vote for a sleeze, never a pussy. Plus, blacktino chicks are pretty hot.

How do you lose to a guy that made Jingle All the Way? He smoked weed in Pumping Iron, where he also compared exercise to cumming. He admitted to grabbing chicks titties (“Where there’s smoke, there’s fire,” remember?) Why don’t you come out and say what is on your mind? “This guy is an idiot,” or “This guy is the fucking anti-Christ,” or “If you vote for this fucking douche bag, you are dumber than I expected and you truly deserve each other.” Wait, you ARE a Democrat, are you not? The party that expected people to really get sexed up about John Kerry thinks we are going to grin and bear this geeky twat’s forays around the state as the new Upton Sinclair. You truly want to lose. That’s all I can imagine.

Hell, I’m just focusing on the stupid shit people say. That’s not fair, because anecdotes just bump numbers, they don’t drive them. There has to be a comprehensive overall strategy, and for a smart guy you sure are a dumb cunt.

The Governor has substantially shifted to the left, bellowing about global warming, challenging Bush on the National Guard’s presence on the border, even raising the minimum wage. Oh my, it looks like the Governor is going to lose his base, which could prove damaging…wait, what’s that? It’s a nerd, it’s a …nerd? No wait, it’s dumbfuck Angelides. He’ll take care of everything. He’ll run ads linking the Governor to the President. The Governor will now be forced to pay tacit lip service to running away from the Bush agenda that he supported and pushed for in Ohio and at the convention, however all those Republicans that were threatening to stay home now can rest assured that a loyal Bush apparatchik fucks us all for another four years. Genius strategy. “My work is done here,” Angelides says, as he goes home to prepare for where he’ll be four years from now.

Fucking things up for Candidate Villariagosa.

Read More...

1 Comment:

Monday, October 30, 2006

Bill Cowher, Steelers Coach














Bill Cowher
Pittsburgh Steelers

You goddamned blockhead. The Pittsburgh Steelers, YOUR team, lost to the Oakland Raiders? Even if most teams try to, it's difficult to lose to the Raiders. Despite the fact that the Raiders got less than 100 yards on offense, you managed to fuck it up? What gives, Chisel Jaw?

I'm noticing a pattern here. You have quite an impressive track record of ruining the careers of your quarterbacks. Neil O'Donnell took you to the Super Bowl ten years ago and took a massive dump on the field. He was second-stringing for the Jets, then in the Witness Protection Program. Cordell Stewart? Momentarily inspired casting, but after a handful of impressive snaps, someone called him gay and you threw him under the bus to Chicago. Tommy Maddux was the star of the XFL, yet you somehow polished this turd and made him a contender, until he nearly snapped his spine then became addicted to turnovers.

Big Ben is going to be another in that long list of careers you destroy. Sure he's retarded for riding a motorcycle without a helmet and letting his appendix nearly burst, but he's a big goofy bastard that is getting over a concussion. By season's end he'll be as articulate as Gary Busey, but it's not long term. No quarterback lives beyond two years with you. Ben is on Season Three, which seems to be the expiration date with you. Cartons of milk have spoiled less quickly.

Jerome Bettis is one man, yet since he left you can't get it together. All you have are these stale gadget plays. Here's a gadget play I drew up: Take the ball into the end zone and avoid giving it to the other team. Here's another good one: Take a look at your past and ask what it is you did to fuck up the lives of all these "Next big thing quarterbacks."

Super Bowl rings only go so far, especially in Pittsburgh. Do these people have anything in their lives to look forward to besides football? No way. Have you been there? All they have to boast of besides an obsession with Halloween and pollution are sandwiches with french fries in them. The women are all fat and ugly, starting with the ten year olds. When the team does poorly, the Ohio River becomes dammed with the carcasses of despondent fans. Most cities have a few reporters howl in self-righteous indignation, but Pittsburgh is different, special, pathetic.

Bench Big Ben for Batch. He's not that good, but soon Roethlesberger will be forced to wear headgear outside of games and practice. The noggin can only take so much. I know you've never been in a long term relationship with your QB's, but maybe now is a good time to start.

Read More...

0 Comments:

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Neale Donald Walsch, Spiritual Guru

















Neale Donald Walsch
Spiritual Guru

What do you do when you have nine children, five failed marriages, no money, a broken neck from an accident and you live in Oregon as the only guy who can’t score weed? You claim to speak to God. After raking in millions of dollars in sales and speaking engagements, you find yourself here, as a sonofabitch.

Seven million copies of his 1995 book, Conversations with God have been sold. It has been translated into more than a dozen languages. His book is so popular, he has written several sequels. Funny that God didn’t learn from all those Police Academy movies. He also has a Conversations with God for Teens. And here I thought the O’Reilly Factor for Kids was obscene.

Why does God only speak to desperate people? Don’t you think he’d more likely be a get for Diane Sawyer or Katie Couric? No, God seems to commune with people who have little money and who like to read a lot (I guess Sawyer and Couric are out). Not fair, but I guess any tactic is reasonable when you have MasterCard breathing down your neck.

As Georges Bataille wrote in Theory of Religion, “…the positing, in the world, of a ‘supreme being,’ distinct and limited like a thing, is first of all an impoverishment. There is doubtless, in the invention of a supreme being, a determination to define a value that is greater than any other. But this desire to increase results in diminution. The objective personality…”LKJLKJ:CKLJLK DLLSJIOIOEIKC>>ALOIE()*#$*OE(&OIDJ)(*FO)(*DFU(S LjlkjlkjliUOIJOIJolkoi OPIUOLKNMOIJOJOIJOJLKXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX…………

Sorry about that. I have to possess the writer for a moment. This is God. Let me clarify a few things. I’m the real deal. I did not speak through Jesus, Mohammad, Moses, and certainly not Abraham. Do you really think I’d be dick enough to tell a guy to kill his kid in order to impress me? I saw all that go down, exasperated, as Abraham continuously melted down and then changed his mind. I could have told him to stop, but I kind of knew he would come around on his own, only way these nuts are going to learn. You should have seen how awkward the family dinners were between those two after that. Man, Isaac was pissed. Then again, his old man was like hundred years old or something like that.

I’m definitely not speaking through Neale Donald Walsch. I know he claims to be just “inspired” by God, but that’s just semantic nuance. Why call your book Conversations with God, then say, “no, these are not REAL conversations.” People believe this crap. Like there is a difference between benchmarks and timetables.

And, why is it I only say things to make people feel better? Why am I moody like a human? I’m benevolent at one turn, wrathful the next. I don’t have bad days. Rain doesn’t piss me off and lead me to bomb a city.

These people want your money, I don’t. Why is it that in these conversations books, I never say “blow jobs on demand?” People won’t believe it because they don’t want to hear it (well, I guess some don’t). Instead I’m always saying “love each other” and “treat others as you would be treated” and “support tax cuts.” I’m a bit busy for that crap. Damn, why did I make everyone so gullible?

No parting wisdom here. Is Hitler in Heaven like Walsch writes? Not really. We passed in the hallway a few times. I just shook my head and walked past him. He’s not the only jerk to disappoint me. I’ll reserve my judgments on the living for now, but those that focus on the afterlife without any proof but a book you picked up at Holiday Inn is not the best way to go. No fire, no virgins, no harps. Lot’s of pissed off people here, trying to get back to your world. Hey, what do you want from me? I can’t kill everyone that claims to speak for me. Plus, it’s just no fun.

So in closing, save your money, don’t believe the hype... and blow jobs on demand.

Read More...

0 Comments:

Lynne Cheney, Second Lady

















Lynne Cheney
Second Lady/Culture Warrior

Back in 1981, I read probably the hottest book of my middle-aged life. Up until that point, I was a devout Calvinist, shunning much the was unfamiliar to much of the omnipresent secular world, constantly berating the female employees at my office for wearing pants and shoes outside of the kitchen. Nothing screams “not of the elect” as a woman who shuns the conventions of my world view, then it happened.

I was participating in a joint book fire with my church and the John Birch people when I gave in. I reached down into my assigned burlap sack, brimming with such titles as My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss and Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume when I saw a book with two sultry women pioneers were staring out at me. My thought process was that this tome entitled Sisters by a woman I greatly admired, Lynne Cheney. Cheney was the wife of Rep. Dick Cheney (R-WY), who is currently the Vice-President of the United States of America. The year before, my wife and I had both written checks toward the Congressman’s re-election fund (full disclosure, my wife was not aware that I had opened a checking account in her name that I frequently used to launder money, seeing as I had forbidden her to pick up a pen or pencil for any task not germaine to child rearing). I had presumed that the book must be an appropriate work that had mistakenly been included by pranksters from the local Communist Party.

…She took off her dress, her petticoat, her corset, her stockings. Even her lacy undershif and drawers were wet, clinging to her body before she stripped them off. Standing naked, she opened the volume on the bedside table and took out the letter she had put there earlier. Clutching it with one hand, she pulled back the bedclothes with the other and got into bed, burying her face in the pillow.

Reading this words that seemed to leap off of the page and attack my senses was an awakening. Could words unlock such verboten desires, lying in a permanent state of dormancy since the womb, unleashed with such a fury that had no equal? To think that these words were nearly lost forever, rescued from the bonfire of profanity that sought to save the world from its own longings for freedom and sexual liberation. My life soon took on a series of changes.

I stopped beating my wife. I started reading the newspaper. I stopped littering. I grew a moustache. I went on the first of several sex tours in Thailand. I went to church only once per week. I had an affair with that girl from the clinic. I reconciled with my son. I loosened the spiked cilice around my thigh two notches. I wrote a song. I became a vegetarian. I had an affair with the guy at the library. I let my children celebrate Halloween. I began wearing eye liner. I bought a television. I allowed my wife to leave the house. I got divorced. I had erotic blood rituals.

What upsets me is that twenty-five years later; Lynne Cheney is denying much of the beautiful poetry that lies between the covers of Sisters. Recently on CNN, Cheney told Wolf Blitzer “I have never written anything sexually explicit.” This cut to the core of me. Not the sexy type of cutting that I and my third ex-wife used to partake in, but in a deeper, emotional sense. Cheney opened my eyes to the power of words and sex and combining the two in book form. My understanding of women grew after reading this book. Consider this passage:

…Soon, she moved to the floor, where she began making a pattern with objects from the mantelpiece. She was sitting with her legs bent in inverted V’s, and when she leaned back on her arms to consider her arrangement, Sophie saw that the front of her dress strained slightly. Her breasts were growing, and Sophie wondered if she had begun to menstruate yet. And if she had, would she tell her about it? Would her odd matter-of-factness carry over to her own coming of age?

Sophie remembered when her own flow had begun. She felt obliged to tell her grandmother, had gone looking for her, not because she wanted to tell her, but because she thought she should. Deer Woman had been sewing a pair of moccasins when Sophie found her. “The bleeding—it’s begun for me,” she blurted out.

I know for a fact that this passage is sexually explicit, because I read it to the congregation one day at Church and was informed by the ministry that it was clearly sexually explicit and that leather chaps were inappropriate for the Sabbath. Unfortunately I was branded on my thumbs with two “P’s” (for perversion) and shunned for eternity. It mattered not that I was considered part of the Elect, for as far as I was concerned, God made the rules, John Calvin wrote them down, and I was in the heaven club no matter what I did on this earthly paradise of sinful delights.

I was delighted in 1986 when Mrs. Cheney was appointed to the National Endowment for the Humanities. Here is the golden opportunity where the government can now fund more works like Sisters and perhaps more of my hidden passions my manifest themselves. What appalled me was how Mrs. Cheney did not follow the lead established by the National Endowment of the Humanities (NEH) and fund work by Renaissance men such as Robert Mapplethorpe, a man who had photographed me several times while we vacationed together. Why had she abandoned her sensibilities? I was left heartbroken, sad and blue-balled.

Mrs. Cheney has more recently avoided her true past. She lied to Cokie Roberts in 2000, who inquired about her lesbian daughter Mary. "Mary has never declared such a thing," despite that she in fact had ten years prior and had been working for Coors Brewing Company as their official "liaison to the gay community."

Mrs. Cheney does not believe in a static history, rather one that evolves where events change to resemble completely different realities. She pressured the Department of Education to destroy 300,000 copies of a pamphlet entitled “Helping Your Children Learn History” (costing taxpayers $110,360). The objection centered on the National History Standards that she helped fund under the NEH with the Department of Education. She criticized the final product for giving insufficient attention to heroes like the Wright Brothers and Robert E. Lee and too much attention to lawbreakers like Harriet Tubman.

Personally, I really don’t care what Mrs. Cheney does to American History, but her past connects deeply to my past. Reading Sisters, I felt alive for the first time. To deny the sexiness of this work is to deny my sexiness, which I can’t let happen. I’ve had far too much sex, so there is no going back. In full disclosure, I am fully protected in my activities, as was made clear in this passage from Sisters:

…There were several small sponges, each in a silken net with a string attached. There were packets marked “Preventive Powders,” and lined up in neat rows were several dozen condoms.

“But the sheaths are really the best. Sometimes men don’t like them.” She stared into space for a moment, seeming to remember something; then she gave a small shrug. “But since it is they who get us with child, don’t you think they should cooperate?”

Safety first, I couldn’t agree more.

Read More...

1 Comment:

Friday, October 27, 2006

Kim Jong-Il, President of North Korea









Kim Jong-Il
President, North Korea

Why? Come on, why build the bomb? Could you just hold off for a couple of years until we get someone with a brain between his ears to lead us?

In case you haven’t noticed, we are being lead by a complete moron who is incapable of making complete sentences, let alone stewarding a comprehensive plan of diplomacy and containment. Wait until we get a less retarded leader, then I promise, I won’t freak out that much.

You do have a fucked up sense of priorities and style. Platform shoes are just fucking gay. That alone should make you a sonofabitch, but I’d like to take a different approach. Rather than go the pundit route of your freakish looks, you should be shot in the balls for adding to the list of nuke nations. Feed your fucking people asshole. The average height of people in your country is 5’ 5” and shrinking by the year. Is it your strategy to create a grand army of oompah loompahs, making it harder for us to shoot them? That’s actually a pretty good strategy; the ant people have a bomb. Be careful though, one day you may not even be able to reach the button. Get them phone books out.

The United States should not throw stones that hard though. Roughly 26% (despite gov’t figures that are less) of the federal budget goes to current military expenditures (not including veteran’s benefits) while 37 million people are below the poverty line. Plus, talk about style. While Kim can be a freak, we have a President that claims to speak to an imaginary friend that nobody else can see on a regular basis (you call him God). I give you the edge though, because believe it or not, I find you worse than Bush. Not as bad as Hitler, but worse than the douche-bag in chief.

Kim Jong-Il has every home equipped with a radio that churns out propaganda. This radio can not be turned off, only made less noisy. That’s an insane fucking reach for any dick leader. On top of that, the homeless orphans on the streets are disappearing to starved cannibals. It really is a shit hole there.

Sadly, I know people. You do have a bomb. In years, we are going to start calling you friend, not because you’re cool (we’ve established you are a fucking dick), but because you have a nuclear weapon. You get it, force is the only thing us jackasses around the world respond to. If you use this to get your foot in the door, maybe you can now start feeding your people for Christ’s sake. I understand why you wanted the bomb. Hell, I wouldn’t mind having one. I’d carry it with me everywhere I went, showing people. I’d go to the tavern, slam it on the bar and yell “Whiskey, NOW!” You should do the same, only hold off on the Irish water and get food instead.

Anybody with a nuke is arrogant. You’d be a cunt with or without one.

Read More...

2 Comments:

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Jim Caviezel, Actor











Jim Caviezel
Just some fucking Actor

“I’m no Jesus, but I played one in the movies,” goes the refrain. I just saw this ad where JC tells us how wrong it is to deny citizenship to a glob of goo in the name of science. I know the left gets shit on when actors and musicians get on the soapbox, but where is it on the other side? Where’s that genius Laura Ingraham, author of “Shut up and Sing” to excoriate the method acting messiah for dipping his toe in an area where he should be forbidden to tread?

Why is it that John Wayne gets respect for hating blacks, Mel Gibson for hating Jews and JC for hating science, yet when a lefty with some free time and a bad case of the shakes sticks his neck out, there’s hell to pay? Rush Limbaugh didn’t cotton to Michael J. Fox’s pleas for reason and nor did JC. Sure, I agree with the statement, “You’re all stupid fucking actors, so who gives a shit.” I also agree with the statement, “You’re all stupid mechanics,” and “You’re all stupid lawyers” and “You’re all stupid mothers.” Chances are, if you live in this country, you have to be somewhat stupid, how else do you account for the fact that only roughly a third of this country believes in evolution, and out of 34 countries, the United States is only above Turkey in the percentage of people that get it? “You’re a stupid fucking American, shut up and sing.”

Why should we care that Caviezel played Jesus? I could kick ass as Jesus. To get into character, I’d tell people to misinterpret me. Jesus could give a shit about stem cells. I seem to remember a shit load of pages in the Bible about Jesus relieving the suffering of people with various ailments. Will touching Jim Caviezel’s Prada jacket give peace to Alex Keaton’s restlessness? No, getting smart people into a room with a huge tank of stem cells and…well, I’m no scientist. I have no idea what it is they do, nor do I care. They could ookie cookie on the damn things if it cures disease as far as I’m concerned. Darwin didn’t put me on this earth to dabble in science, though I will allow those that have that inclination to have free reign. Clone, poke and prod away.

Caviezel, if you can walk on water, I can run. You are just an actor who doesn’t agree with me, which means that I now have the right to boycott you. Call it balance asshole. I’m doing it for the Dixie Chicks and Bill Maher, people that ran afoul of the new climate of patriotic and Christian Correctness. When you stared into the camera and said “You know now. Don’t do it. Vote no,” I realized that any douche that would volunteer his name to any commercial that gave equal billing to Kurt Warner has to be a God freak. Funny, I don’t know of much you’ve been doing since the Jesus movies. Goes to show you kids, get too religious, your career will mirror that of Kurt Warner and Jim Caviezel.

Sorry Laura Ingraham, for JC has broken a strong tenet of your book, as listed in your press, “Actors: how their training and entire life's work leads them inexorably to a liberal position.” Maybe you’re not that smart after all and the right wing loves you for your chunch and not your brain. Damn that Caviezel, who does he think he is?

Oh, I think I have an idea.

Read More...

0 Comments:

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Jeffrey Skilling - Enron CEO










Jeffrey Skilling
Enron CEO

Finally, this asshole has to serve twenty-four years in the federal hoosegow and pay restitutions. A dick to the end, he expressed zero remorse for his crimes, just prior to the judge’s sentencing. Didn’t help that the other dick died back in July 5th of a heart attack and had his conviction erased, which by default put the entire thing squarely on your shoulders. If Kenny-boy, as Bush called him could hold out just long enough to make that trip into Cell-Block Four, Jeffrey could have gotten twenty-two years instead of twenty-four.

Ah hell, there is no schedenzfraude here. It can’t be easy for any fish, no matter how old, white and doughy you may be. Prison can be an unforgiving place, however you have the good fortune of a business degree from Harvard. Prison economics work like economies everywhere else in the world, though sometimes the penalties for malfeasance can be a bit more extreme than what we know in the square world. Let’s see what we can learn from the counts of your convictions, followed by practical applications for your brand new life around the bend.

Conspiracy (one count): Selling $60 million in stock shortly before the ship sank? Did you really think that nobody would notice? The CEO takes a dump on the market a month after his resignation, months prior to the shitstorm? Little goes down in the joint without scrutiny. If the Aryan Brotherhood notices you unloading ten cartons of cigarettes into the Gen. Pop. Only weeks prior to an institutional ban, you’ll be shivved before you can blame Adam Smith and the free tobacco market. Everyone’s got an angle, but you’ve seen OZ. You know when fish get out of line.

Securities Fraud (five counts): For the smartest guy in the room to defraud millions of folks, kill 4,000 jobs and ask “What me Worry” is such glaring hubris. If you have a network in the joint of guys doing favors, work or snitching, you better treat them a shade better. The suckers that chastised you in the media and during the trial will be a walk in the park next to the Hell’s Angel that shoves a pool cue up your starfish, stopping at the back of your teeth. In prison, avoid the fraud, switch to assault and the occasional stabbing.

Making False Statements (twelve counts): Lying to your creditors? Big fucking deal. When MasterCard calls me about money, I tell them to hold their breath because the check is already in the mail and my top priority is to pay them. However, you lied to your employees, stockholders and anyone gullible enough to buy a piece of this shitberry pie. The climate is much different in the joint. If the bulls toss your cell looking for skag or blow and you hold out on them, its shank city and a week in the hole. We all lie, but only retards like you get caught. Be careful when you lie to the guards, for even though they don’t run the joint, they can be helpful smuggling cocaine into the walls. The only alternative would for your wife to mule that shit in by swallowing and shitting out rock filled rubbers. Be careful when you fib.

Also, your first day in should be one where you get it all out of the way. You will have sex with another man. Just go and present, like they do on Animal Planet. Sure, you may become a sissy for a few weeks, but soon enough, you’ll figure out the game and not have to where that prison issue school girl uniform. Then, knock on steel, you may get a bitch of your own. Like stocks, each has its own value. Learn the game. Also, get a meningitis shot and don’t let that prison hooch ferment too long, you could develop a parasite.

Then again, that might be somewhat appropriate.

Read More...

0 Comments:

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Roy Blunt, (R-MO)


















Roy Blunt (R-MO)

Majority Whip

"This list of the bills most likely to be championed by committee chairmen in a Pelosi-led House of Representatives would be great fodder for the latenight talk show hosts if it weren't true," House Majority Whip Roy Blunt said. "Instead, it's just plain scary. While Republicans fight the War on Terror, grow our robust economy, and crack down on illegal immigration, House Democrats plot to establish a Department of Peace, raise your taxes, and minimize penalties for crack dealers. The difference couldn't be starker."

-Press Release from the Majority Whip office

Thursday, October 19, 2006

I also hear that Democrats advocate mandatory molestation of Cub Scouts and want to push for fifth trimester abortions. Why did he leave these gems out? Who knows if this dick even believes his own bile. I don’t, neither should you.

Why not? Because it is false. The Democrats will take over the House, but they will do nothing. NOTHING. Do you really think voting Democrat will solve your problems? Do you think voting will solve your problems? Reality check, on November 8, the drug war will still drain, Iraq will still burn and the President will still be as smart as a head-gear kid.

Does anyone find it odd that this is all happening? Even conservative columnists like Johan Goldberg and Andrew Sullivan have opined that this may not be a bad thing, and that this may inject some balance in a spendthrift government.

It’s a total fucking set-up. This happened before in Germany in 1918. Prior to Germany surrendering, the military surrendered power to the Weimart Republic, scapegoating them, the Jews and the Socialists long enough for Hitler to come to power in 1933. The Democrats are going to pussy out on any substantial reform, draining the energy from their base, leading to a McCain presidency in 2008. It’s going to happen. In fact, I’m so certain, let’s just start saying it has already happened.

The Democrats will tickle labor’s balls and blow in the feminists ears, but there will be no change. Life will suck and God will soon kill us all. Expectations are going up, but do you really think bible thumper fuck nuts in the White House will actually sign a bill establishing the Department of Peace? No war mongering Christian in their not so right mind would do such a thing. There is a Senate and a President that will still be run by the usual assholes, what chance does any of them have? None, because it is all a complete waste of time. People delude themselves as to the true power of politicians. Lucy will once again pull the football from you, you stupid fucking blockhead.

Which brings me to Roy Blunt. This guy is a fucking nut and a kook, who is screwing up the plan. Republicans need the Dems to take over the House, just to point out to America how pointless voting is. If he continues with this usual sturm and drang of fearmongering, the GOP may actually keep a hold on the House, despite the near bad touches of pages by Foley, Kolbe and Sen. Santorum (I want to get sued).

No wonder Blunt lost the leadership struggle with Rep. Boehner. Blunty, you just lack the vision. Now do us a favor, shut up, praise that old creep in the clouds and brace yourself for the rising tide of low expectations.

Read More...

1 Comment:

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Madonna







Madonna

If all else fails, and Dennis Rodman is not available, buy an African kid. I know this bitch reinvents herself as often as most people copulate, but her latest ploy to remake herself buy purchasing an African child is as retarded as that stupid Lucky Star song.

Africa has become the Filene’s Basement of PR. All stuck up cunts, whether it is Bono or Bill Clinton, will head off to Africa to get diphtheria or a write up in righteous asshole weekly. Today, we take a look at the Material Girl, Madonna. If slumming it with a hack limey lensman was not bad enough, she is stealing a thirteen month old boy named David from the Mchinji village of Malawi. Hmmm, David….doesn’t have that ethnic Malawi vibe. Let’s call him click clack and put him on Vanity Fair, that will sell more than whatever Bradgeline is doing.

Currently, the system of support the Western world has heaped upon Africa is based entirely on rock concerts. Every twenty years, rock concerts, whether it’s Live Aid or whatever lame Coldplay thing happened last year, stir the MTV generation for five minutes. Everyone (male) in the 18-24 demographic (gold in marketing speak) coughs up five to five point two five dollars and sends them to a musician. That money will go from the musician, to the whore, to the coke dealer, then to the African dictator. Next thing you know, its twenty years later, and the surviving members (hopefully not that many) of the Goo Goo Dolls reunite for another go.

What I find terribly cute is how nobody has advocated for the decimation of the International Monetary Fund (IMF) with their misguided attempts at Structural Adjustment Programs that perpetuate a continuing cycle of poverty in the post colonial world, not taking into account the trauma wrought by years of genocide, poverty and systematic exploitation by a European industrial behemoth that was hell bent on culling raw materials from subjugated peoples for their industrial machine. To put a band-aid on a crisis of humanity without addressing the institutional underpinnings of the larger issue of a new imperialism is beyond delusional and downright criminal. I hope all of these idiots die (the rockers, not the Africans).

Having said that, leave the Africans in Africa. The last time white people began stealing Africans was in 1441 when Antam Goncalvez of Portugal enslaved an African, beginning the slave trade that would only accelerate following the Columbian enterprise into the New World. How about instead of prying an innocent African from the arms of his father (the kid’s mother died), Madonna should write a check and give it to the community. I see Christians on TV all the time bitching about how cheap it is to feed these kids with the fly on their eyebrow. Why bring the kid to England for Bangers and Mash when all the sprout needs is ten cents a day.

Madonna, your fucked. I liked when you were fucking with Jesus during the Like a Prayer thing, but lately all you have done is embarrassed yourself by inventing Kabbalah and slamming uglies with Britney Spears. If you think this African kid is going to save your career, think again. Within the next two years, there will be shitloads of people emulating you (because they are stupid) buying up their guilt.

In all fairness, the guilt is not yours alone, it’s all of ours. Man came from Africa, not some old bitch in the sky five thousand years ago. We all came from Africa. Some of us just strayed a little too far from home and got into some bad shit, like crank and oil companies. Rather than extract people from the birthplace of man, let’s spruce their place up a bit. After all, their place is our place. Sure, we fucked it up for several centuries, but rather than torture one child with stories of Sean Penn, you should be showering your guilty conscience on an innocent continent. Stop buying babies. If you really wanted to give back, you’d use your star power for something worthwhile: Overthrow of the state and a restructuring of the dominant capitalist class of oligarchs and global profit pirates. That, or stop making music. I always thought you sucked.

Read More...

3 Comments:

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Lee Scott, Wal-Mart

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Read More...

1 Comment:

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Ken Mehlman - RNC Chairman






Ken Mehlman
Chairman, Republican National Committee

For getting Alan Stayman fired. In case you were asking what that shit heel did this time, it was for putting Stayman on the bread lines. This wormy, weasley fuck called Mehlman has just been caught carrying water (probably with a high concentration of arsenic) for Jack Abramoff. But who is this Stayman? A lesson:

Stayman worked for the State Department, dealing with the US Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands. The Islands did not cotton to Stayman’s advocacy of a reform of the labor laws, so they pulled his card, via their hired gun Jack Abramoff, through Ken Mehlman, then White House political director. Now the venom.

This motherless cunt Mehlman assured one of Abramoff’s asshole buddies that Stayman would be fired, even though Stayman was highly touted and a respected employee of the State Department. Mehlman also pinched $16.3 million from taxpayers for an unnecessary jail for the Choctaw Indians (whom Abramoff had bilked millions of rainmaking dollars from).

Is Mehlman a cheap date? Absolutely not. In 2001, while he was figuring out how to link Stayman to Al Queada, he demanded two tickets to a U2 concert in DC. U2? Did you ruminate on “the troubles” while sodomizing an Indian? According to the LA Times, Mehlman said “I’ve been to several U2 concerts, but I don’t know whether I went to that one.” Some fan you are douche. A hard-core fan that does not cherish the innovative fretwork of the Edge, or the charisma of Bono or the whatever of whoever those other two guys are? Granted, that blubbering mick crying about the dark continent is getting tired, but you mean to tell me you cannot distinguish one U2 performance from the next? I would call you a poser, however U2 sucks and anyone that follows them should be deeply ashamed of themselves.

If theU2 show was not bad enough, the Abramoff clan set up a suite for a Dave Matthews concert to reward the Department of Justice for caving in on that Choctaw jail. Do any of you dumbshits listen to the lyrics of any of these bands? Did you meet the Dave Matthews backstage at any of these shows and ask why he doesn’t write songs skull fucking orphans or raping peasants in the fields of toil? You know, bed time stories for you Republicans.

Stay the course Kenny boy. Chances are, nothing bad will happen. These things tend to be forgotten. Sure, Tony Rudy, Michael Scanlon, Adam Kidan, Rep. Bob Ney (R-OH), former GSA head David Safavian (and about five more by the time you finish this) have gone down, but I think it is just about to run out of steam. If only one of you jerked off to a buxom young page, this thing could heat up. Alas, all this is droll shit, like theft and sweatshops. Aren’t you glad that this is way to boring for are anesthetized media to give a shit?

You got a good man fired for being smart. Pat yourself on that area where most people have spines, you miserable twat. The Northern Mariana Islands are havens for sweatshops that produce clothes with the “Made in the USA” label. Maybe we should pay them enough so they can eat more than guano?

Maybe you should join them.

Read More...

0 Comments: